I was not a happy teenager.

Tired of having my life micro-managed, I began to withdraw. I wasn’t the type to cause trouble; I never saw it as a productive way to solve problems. I resigned that in a few years, I would be on my own and could live my life as I wanted.

As our children began to experience their teen years, I started to look for creative ways that would have made my teen years more pleasant and productive, hoping to pass them along to our children.

Taking them to work with me was a significant first step. It helped to reduce the parent-child relationship to a coworker one. We were equals, sharing each other’s knowledge for our common good.

We made suggestions through gestures, not words. By watching each other develop our skills, we both learned quickly and felt like teachers as well as learners.

It also made for the perfect time to talk about what they wanted. Did they want to live in Manhattan or a teepee in Montana? What did they look for in friendships, a mate, and a career? How important was money in their lives? How vital were children and spirality to them?

As they began to open up and realize they had some voice in their future, a calmness began to emerge, an inner acceptance of not only recognizing who they were but a positive feeling about themselves.

And this is the most important part: after choosing the most suitable time, tell them you are proud of them.